Our refrigerator looks like the bulletin board at Subway. Sometimes there are not enough magnets for all the information we want to display. Getting kids to respond to directions is often a challenge. First of all they don't listen so sometimes directions get ignored. Then, if they do listen, they forget. Sometimes you will get a more conscientious child like our little Reese who will, on occasion make her bed without being asked or clean her room when it gets out of hand. But even she will either forget things or put them off. And getting them to brush their teeth is like...well, pulling teeth. Thus the posting of lists and information has become a real source of important data for all of us. And it's information to be acted on -- something about it being written down and on display that prompts kids to want to actually partake in the process.
Start of School -- Now that the beginning of the school year is upon us, posting info that pertains to scheduling and parent meetings is as important to us as it is to the kids. Bus numbers and when the kids will be picked up and dropped off is vital for all of us. They seem to absorb this info quickly but it seems to take forever for us to catch on to exactly when they will leave and when they get home. And now that Charly and Reese are taking two different buses, it seems doubly challenging for us. Charly is now in Middle School which means he has a class schedule that lists his classes and which room they are in throughout the day. He will, of course need this posted for at least a couple of weeks but Maggie and I will undoubtedly need it for the whole quarter. Dates and times like parent teacher meetings and field trips all need to be kept handy because they have a way of sneaking up on us.
Younger kids love lists too, even if they can't read them. They will still walk up to
them and point, often remembering which item is which. And if they are posted at
their height they will think it is important and will bring them to adults attention.
Preschool activities are just as important to them as they are to us. So explaining
that this list is actually for significant preschool dates will often keep them interested
up until the event actually takes place. Making school lists will often override apathy.
Grocery Lists -- If your kids keep asking, "Are we out of Doritos ?!" or "Did Charly eat all the ice cream again?" chances are they are unaware of how shopping takes place and how much things cost. If you take the kids with you on a spur-of-the-moment shopping trip, things will usually deteriorate into a free-for-all. They will ask for every impulse buy item that the store has to offer and every package that calls to them from the shelves. Before long they have burnt your patience right down to the ground and you'll just want to get out of there. Enter the grocery list. Armed with a list of items and an approximation of the costs -- all of which the kids have a vested interest in because they chose a lot of the items -- you will be amazed how focused and helpful they will be. When Maggie takes Reese shopping and they have a little "road map" of items they are going to buy and for how much, she suddenly becomes a little housewife. She will often run, get the item and return with both the store brand and the national brand for price comparison. Then she will give her two cents about which cereal to choose and move on to the next item. If she gets sidetracked by the Oreos, all Maggie has to say is, "It's not on the list honey, maybe next time." and that ends the discussion.
You might be thinking that making a list for every trip to the store is time consuming
and laborious and you're probably right, but the payoff in efficiency will soon make
you a believer. The cost of groceries these days and the amount they take out of your monthly budget is enough to make you blanch. Finding a way to save a little money and calm the mayhem that often is part of the process, makes the list and it's
input a win win. To avoid the circus that would often be part of the shopping trip with
the kids, I would do the grocery shopping by myself. This quieted the process but
they never seemed to like what I bought. Now with their input the whole shopping
experience has taken on a more civilized process.
Meals Lists -- I'm no gourmet cook by any stretch of the imagination but I do make a mean pizza. My kids would actually eat "Pa's pizza" three days a week if they were allowed. The problem is their pallets are so limited its hard to get a variety of meals in them. And trying to get balanced meals to be consumed is another whole story. A complete meal with protein, carbs and vegetables is basically a pipe dream. These same kids who gobbled up green beans, broccoli and ham when they were babies, now won't touch them with a ten foot pole. The result was a constant battle to find out what they wanted for dinner. What one wanted the other would balk at and when we suggested anything close to a well balanced meal, there was a well balanced revolt. Because I was usually the cook, the frustration with preparing evening meals that no one really wanted was wearing. Add to that the constant whining to go to Wendy's or McDonalds (have you seen the prices at McDonald's lately?) made the annoyance surrounding dinner practically unbearable.
Finally it dawned on us that the same process that gave us the grocery list, might work here. So we asked the kids to name a meal they would like for each night of the
week. There was weeping and gnashing of teeth and very little agreement.
Eventually Charly took it upon himself to make the list and, surprisingly Reese went
along with it. Every night had a meal that they have eaten often and usually liked and, if they strayed we simply bring them back to the menu. So now I know what to make, what to buy groceries for and where to direct them when they decide they want Spaghetti O's and S'mores for dinner.
Daily Activities List -- In a subsequent blog I will address the very real and challenging issue of kids and online activities. Suffice it to say filling a child's day with activities will go a long way toward balancing out time and where it is spent. This particular blog post deals with lists and how they can make things run a little smoother around your house. Kids love structure. They won't tell you that, in fact they'll kick and scream at anything that even looks like the organized formation of tasks. But, without question the importance of structure in the lives of children, especially those who have experienced trauma, cannot be stressed enough. The security of knowing what's gonna happen and when, is so soothing to the psyche of kids that they will be drawn to it even if they say they are not. Obviously, the days activities list will look different during the school year (when half their day is already set) than it does during the longer days of summer. However, the list will be similar and will only vary by the amount of time you assign to each task. Here is a list of important activities for children of all ages. As with all such chores, you must assign time to them according to your household needs.
Hygiene - The brushing of teeth, tubs or showers, washing hair and even clipping finger and toenails -- are all daily tasks that must be given proper time.
Sleep/bedtime and lights out - This is one that children of all ages will fight against. Reese would protest that she wasn't tired even as a giant yawn worked its way into her speech.
Physical activity/outdoor time - school recess and other sports oriented activity will take care of a lot of this and summertime fun almost always involves outdoor activity. However, if your child would rather stay inside and watch TV or look at screens on a perfectly beautiful day it's probably time to work activity time into the list.
Creative time - if you have a child who loves to draw or build things with Legos, chances are you won't have to put much effort into this particular form of expression. But if your children would again prefer to do something else you may want to schedule a time and have the tools (watercolor, colored pens and pencils, clay, etc.) ready for them. They almost always enjoy this undertaking once they get into it.
Reading - Here's an activity that almost always meets resistance even as the child is learning to read. Reading is boring, reading takes forever, reading is stupid -- you will hear all of this and more when reading takes up time they would rather use for something else. But it is so important to their future you'll need to fit it in somewhere even if it's only a half hour. Again this is an endeavor that if they pick the time of day and decide on what they are gonna read (with your approval), they will be more apt to buy in even as they dig in their heels and object.
Chores - This is usually an area where one child will shine and another child will live in squallier 'till they can no longer negotiate their room. It's probably unrealistic to assume each child's bedroom should look like House Beautiful but it's not unrealistic to expect a few simple chores to be done to help out. The least that should be done is making one's bed (it doesn't have to look like a military bunk), the picking up of clothes and delivering them to the laundry room. This literally should take no more than 10 minutes and, for obvious reasons should be scheduled for sometime before they are off to school or other daily activity. Each household will do things according to their own daily routine and only you will know how much time should be designated for each task or list. But the important thing is to get it down on paper (with the kids input if possible) and then post it somewhere where all can see it and hold each other accountable.
This is our group of lists. You may have a list or two that is not covered here. If that's the case it would be great if you could share it with us. That's the great thing about a blog. It's the perfect forum for sharing ideas, passing along advice or answering questions. We certainly don't have everything figured out and would welcome things that have made your life easier. We are never too old to learn.
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